Motivations of a Mom

Moms can agree on one thing.  Deep in their heart of hearts each mother believes she lives in an alternate universe where time goes significantly faster inside her home than outside her doors.  Now of course, she can't prove this.  But she searches everyday to prove her point.  She logs onto Facebook and observes what other families can accomplish when given a 24 hour period that does not exist in the time warp.  She searches for endless hours on Pinterest to see what other mothers can create for their children with the time that God intended a mother to posses.  She observes families as she walks in her neighborhood and imagines beds made, playrooms with clean floors, little girls with finely scrubbed nails and neatly brushed hair pulled back into bouncy curls with large pink bows on top.  She returns home, walks in the door and breathes a deep sigh.  Perhaps if she had chosen the house down the road with the azaleas in the yard, maybe that house would not have existed in the time warp.  Alas, it is too late, and so this mother will face the challenges of this home with the time she has. 
Mothers are notorious for comparing themselves to other moms.  It motivates some but demoralizes most.  It is a chronic issue on which you can find books or attend conferences where you are sure to hear stories about other moms who do amazing things to free themselves from such judgments.  When you are done with said book or return home from your 3 day conference you will definitely remember one thing.  Other moms can free their house of clutter AND free their minds of judgment.   Then you will open the door to your home, see the dirty dishes and piles of laundry and take comfort in the fact that you  live in time warp and so it isn't your fault.
These days you don't even have to go for a walk to find families to compare yourself to.  The power of a mother's desire to know what a normal family looks like (or a disaster family looks like) can be found at any hour of the day on reality TV.  So when you are feeling pretty good about yourself and all you have accomplished today, simply choose the station showing you the perfect family with five to nine children and BOOM you pick yourself up and are motivated to do more.  Or on the day when the children have formed an alliance to send you to your grave early, BOOM, turn on the TV to find the disaster of a family showing you things could always be worse. (Just don't let your children watch the program with you or they may walk away with some ideas to take their alliance of terror to the next level).  Those who are in the TV business may not know much about families, but they know what motivates people and for the moms (or I suspect all females) of America, motivation number one is the idea a WonderMom.  She can handle anything thrown her way with perfection, her hair is always perfect and abs always tight.
So, speaking of abs, the number two thing all moms can agree on is a mantra each woman has tattooed in that secret place where no one ever looks: If I hadn't born three children I would have a perfect body with rock hard abs.    This other great motivator is held in the minds of moms and, is also held in the forefront of understood TV.
And so the typical mom heads out and YouTubes the "10 Minutes to Tight Abs!" video.  She puts on her workout clothes, throws her hair in a messy ponytail, laces her sneaker and gives it all she has.  Ten minutes of the greatest focus she can muster.  Ten minutes of amazing enthusiasm and stamina.  Ten minutes to sweat away all of those late night snacks.  Ten minutes, then she walks to the full length mirror and as she lifts her shirt she holds her breath as she reveals the results.  The video promised flat abs in 10 minutes but as the mom observes herself she notes a lot more flab than flat.  Though you might think the mother would be sorely disappointed, instead she feels a little relief.   If she had the nerve to take a before and after shot of her bare belly she would have unwavering evidence that her home truly exists in a time warp, for 10 minutes in this home made no noticeable change to her abs. 
Since the 10 minutes to perfection didn't work the mom must take on the challenge of reclaiming her perfect body another way.
Step One: Low Carbs
If you are a woman there is something that fills your dreams, the smells, the flavors, the satisfaction of life: carbs. Whether your carb of choice is a buttery crescent that is soft and warm and flaky.  It sits on a white plate with a dark chocolate spread and a small knife.  Just the picture of it in your mind takes you to a beautiful hotel in Paris where out of your window you see a gorgeous but forgotten cathedral with buttresses that reflect the curves of this perfect crescent you are about to eat.
Or if your carb of choice is the perfect chocolate chip cookie.  The kind that is crisp on the outside bus soft and chewy once bitten into.  The cookie that has different sizes of chocolate morsels and varying depths of cocoa.  This experience of eating this cookie makes you feel as if you have returned home, expect it is not the home you grew up in that feels small and slightly disappointing when you return their as an adult.  Instead it is a home that has all of the warmth of that childhood place, expect it is new and exceeds the expectations of the adult.  It is a place you wish to return to again and again, and so you do with every bite.
Or if your perfect carb contains no chocolate (heaven forbid) but is instead a warm crispy perfect loaf of Tuscan bread.  When you see it on the table with a bottle of olive oil, a pepper grinder and an expensive balsamic vinegar you think of how one day you will enjoy a perfect evening in a vineyard with a group of close friends.  How you will have a beautiful rustic table set, with lights strung overheard.  You will wear a beautiful flowing summer dress and hold a glass of deep red wine.  You will lean against your mate and as the evening wanes there will still be laughter and spontaneous burst of song.
The food that dreams are made of, and they ask you to give it all of for the sake of flat abs?  Wow, what nerve!
So as you head into the world of low carbs for the sake of the 15 pounds that must be lost, you work hard to find recipes.  Pinterest; you search for low carb meals and yes, you get distracted for short moments of weakness to salivate over the beautiful desserts that you will no longer be eating. 
But a healthy meal is prepared for dinner.  A meat, two vegetables and one small but highly coveted carb.  The family gathers, a prayer is sung, and the children consumer the small serving of carbs in 3 seconds and before you have picked up your fork they are asking for more.  You made no more.  Leftovers only turn into midnight temptations.  So you hand over the beautiful carbs on your plate in fear that those children who destroyed your perfectly flat abs in the first place, might starve.  You eat the meat and veggies, clean up and realize you are starving.  Your body doesn't know how to digest other substances unless carbs are mixed in there somewhere.  You have no choice, a perfect cookie for dessert or you too might starve tonight. 
Step Two: Cardio
As you sit at work and talk with other moms, you hear that they spend time at the gym on a regular basis.  Hmm, I told my husband the house with the azaleas was better, I could sense there was no time warp there.  The gym, well that isn't going to happen.  So to Pinterest you go to find workout routines to do at home.  Plank, burpees, Supermans and jumping jacks. 
Pinterest says plank for 60 seconds, how hard can that be?  You assume the position.  About 10 seconds in, when your legs start shaking.  The baby realizes you are down on her level and proceeds to crawl your way.  At 17 seconds she has reached you, the shaking has moved toward your core.  She crawls aboard.  You hold the position for 5 more seconds with a baby on your back.  You decide 35 seconds with a baby on your back was probably WAY harder than 60 seconds without the babe.  You claim it as a success.  So next on the list burpees, those look complicated, so you will try them later.  Supermans, no problem.  you can have a baby on your back for those.  You complete the set and move forward.  Jumping jacks, of course you did those as a child.  You begin with a goal of 60.  At about 25 I realize you must have a bad memory because you don't remember these being so hard!  At 40 you have lost control of your landing and worry you will fall on your daughter who is playing at your feet.  You call it quits and move to the last, the burpee.  You study the diagram.  You follow the steps in slow motion.  You realize this is going to be a very difficult and extremely sweaty process and decide to skip it. 
The last step of any mom's workout is to take a mental note, to ensure you mention to your coworkers know how sore you are from the workout.
Step Three: Lifting Weights
No problem: vacuums, 5 year old who refuse to walk one step further, laundry baskets up and down the stairs, lawn mowers, bikes that are too hard for your three year old to ride after you are a mile from the house, the 11 month old AND 3 year old on your hips at once.   Lifting weights is a daily routine in the life of a mom, so much so, you probably need to take today off to let your muscles recover. 
So you have successfully completed day one of the three steps to weight loss.  In reflection, lifting weights was not necessary, cardio was not practical and giving up carbs, well you would rather lock yourself in prison where at least you get a crust of bread everyday.